Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan
My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many 'tricks-of-the-trade' when it comes to coming.
In this article I'll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman).
If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.
I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner's, sexual experiences.
THE TRICKS TO LASTING LONGER
1. Relax and increase your body awareness
There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to 'feel' your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.
Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.
Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as "sensate focus exercises" which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex 'coach'.
2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.
Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a 'plan' robs you of any ability to be open minded.
You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.
Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.
3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.
Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.
Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.
4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.
There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.
This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.
Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.
5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.
As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to 'play' with it.
Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.
Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people's experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.
6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.
Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.
Let the arousal continue as if it didn't need to end ever. It will of course, but you don't care when ... just let it happen.
7. Stop thinking
Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.
Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it ... but in your body. Feel it!
THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.
Here's a bonus tricky tip for you. It's also the most important one.
8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.
By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it's because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.
I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.
Love, Mukee
About the Author
Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming premature ejaculation.